Sunday, December 4, 2011



I am sick! I am sad! I am frustrated!!!!


please! let me tell you…

I just sat and read an article about judgmental and hateful comments that someone had to say toward others who are not like them.

I then watched a video of a young boy who is broken and torn because of things other people have said because he is not like them.

My mom told me yesterday about an 11-year-old boy who killed himself because he is bullied, why was he bullied…?

I am going to guess…Because in our society we are taught to shun, walk away from, be judgmental to, and look down on others who are not like us!

THAT is why I feel sick!

This is why I am sad

This is what frustrates me…


How can we let this happen?

How can we make it stop?

Today I got to work with a youth theater group (of various races, sexual orientation and backgrounds.) I watched them come together and express love, unity, and support for one another. A poignant moment that was performed today that really stuck with me was a short theater piece on equality. It showed a beggar, a gay couple, a well off married couple, and a military personal, and the only line that was spoken in this performance was at the end…“People to people…we are ALL people”

WHY is this SO HARD to understand?!


WHY is this so hard to accept!!!


YES! we are all different

YES! we ALL struggle!


We can love people! We can accept people!

We do not have to love and accept what they do, and we do not have to support their actions.


We can love the person!

I am a single, white, female Mormon who grew up in Utah and lives in New York City. There are A LOT of people who are different than me…

The wealthy businessman, the druggie, the married couple, the homeless, the Pastor at the Lutheran church, the homosexual, the alcoholic, the atheist, the list goes on and on.

I do not define myself as any of these things…but does that mean that I should shun, look down on, or judge them?



In different ways…

we ALL have faults and flaws and imperfections…

we are ALL sinners!

we are ALL imperfect!

I try to do my best, to be my best, to love, to accept…

I am imperfect…

I struggle…

I have faults…

I have flaws…

I wish that I could shout it out on the rooftops, I want the world to know!

I am NOT prefect!

Neither are YOU!

Neither is ANYONE on this earth!


Look around you…



WE ALL deserve LOVE!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011


I was babysitting the other day.

We went to the park.

And there was this little boy

He was SO CUTE!!!

He wanted to play on the rings…

like the other kids…


But he wasn’t quite tall enough.

So he went and got something to stand on…


he was trying SO HARD!!!

So SO Hard!!!

he SO BADLY wanted to reach!



STRECHING up as much and as HIGH as he could…

So close…


But nothing...defeat… he couldn’t reach.

And I thought…

I know EXACTLY how you feel!!!

Sometimes It is so hard!

You SEE exactly what you want…

The righteous desires of your heart…

It is possible!...

It HAS to be....

cause you see other people doing it...

You do all you can to reach up…

To grab…

To stretch yourself as much as possible…

And you want it SO BAD it hurts!

And I wish it was only about playground monkey rings…

but what I am reaching up for in life extends FAR beyond the playground.

I know how you feel little boy…

I understand!

Thursday, June 9, 2011


Theater Mitu performed CHAOS in Abu Dhabi this spring...
(this is the experimental theater company that I have been interning with)

I got to help assist in the costume design for the pre-production design here in NYC before they went out to Abu Dhabi...This is a beautiful short trailer of the show!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

I NEED a JoB!!!!!!

....SO BAD!!!!!

............I hope you are praying for me!!!!


Sunday, May 22, 2011

I realized something today…

efy starts tomorrow….

I know that I need to move on with my life… I know that I am supposed to be in NYC this summer

…don’t know specifically why….ha….

But even still… a little piece of my heart is breaking right at this very moment!
efy is something that I LOVE !!! it is hard to explain…but I LOVE it! For so many reasons!
Although as I think about it…Honestly I don’t think that last summer could be beat as far as efy goes…

because of this one week...

This happened…
And these participants happened…

And it was a week of PURE JOY that I will always remember and wish I could re-live over and over again!!!

Someday I will get to watch the video of my life in heaven and that chapter will be replayed many times!

Anyway… as I thought and prayed about it I realized that efy would be my cop-out this summer in a way…I wouldn’t be progressing…I would just be doing what is comfortable.

And so…


I am NOT comfortable!...happy….but not comfortable!

So here I am in NYC…

Continuing to re-write and re-write and re-write my cover letter, and send it in along with my resume to many many different people, and companies, and job postings.

And I continue to wait

Wait on many things…

…to find out if I will get into Grad School

…to hear back about jobs

…to move into my new apartment

I think that one of the worst feelings may be the feeling of “STUCK

"The fact is," said Rabbit, "you're stuck."

I don’t like the state of being “stuck”

And not being able to get unstuck…no matter what I do and how hard I try

…Stuck is my current state in many ways and I am hoping to wriggle my way out of stuck REALLY soon!!!

I am grateful for my wonderful friends and family who are "pulling for me"...actually I think that its more appropriately worded "praying for me"!! it is greatly appreciated!!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

This may be slightly creepy...

Do you have someone that you want to be? Not in the sense that you really wish that you were them and not yourself, but maybe that you…um…..Envy..…no….Idolize…..erm……
look…up... to….them?

Okay really I don’t know what to call it.

Whatever it is – I DO! I totally feel this way about someone! Yesterday (this may sound creepy) I sat for a good while on my computer and looked through this persons facebook pictures.

I sat and looked through his pictures as I pondered upon how I can be more like him and do what he does…

This is a person that I really admire for a number of different reasons…

he pretty much does everything that I want to do!

-He is an awesome teacher! I LOVED taking classes from him and I was REALLY sad when I came home from my mission and found out that he had switched to teaching at UVU instead of BYU.
In my old apartment we used to talk about our “professor crushes”…it’s the professors that you have a “crush” on….not because you are physically attracted to them….but mostly because you find them intellectually attractive. I think that this person would definitely be one of mine!

-He is a brilliant director… brilliant I tell you!!! I don’t know how he comes up with what he does! But I LOVE it!!! And I am INSPIRED by his work!!! I want to work with him! And learn from him! Gah! I have loved attending his workshops in the past and have learned some awesome things! PLUS he introduced me to Viewpoints AND other really cool things which I LOVE!!!

-He is an AWESOME actor…I love going to ANYTHING that he is in! I am never disappointed with his performances!

-He has a beautiful wife and family…I someday want a beautiful husband (ha that sounds a little weird) and I want a family! I love hearing his stories about his kids!

-He travels…and gets paid to travel…and he studied in England which would be my DREAM!!! And he gets to take his students on Study Abroad programs and do workshops in foreign countries and I think that’s AMAZING!!

… how do I get to where he is now?!

That’s the question I ask myself…I know that we all have different paths and I can’t take the exact same path as another person…but then again I think it is good to have these role models that we can “look up to”…and think…hey! They did it! So I can too!...right?!....I think so!

This person probably doesn’t even know how much I have a high regard for them!
Anyway…Thanks Christopher Clark for your example and advice and friendship! I like you! =)

yes...I stole this picture from his facebook...I told you this post may be slightly creepy...ha!
oh well.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Things that I love about Latin culture….

#1- Language

I really DO love Spanish!

Do I know how to speak it…Sadly No…but I am learning…
little by little…I can count to 10...I have a few key words and phrases that I have known for years...and now I can tell you parts of the body (Antonio has been teaching me…haha…I don’t know why we started with parts of the body…but he is the one from Spain so I am going along) And years ago I learned the first few lines of a Christina Aguilera song at girls camp from the 2 Mexican girls that would come with us…they LOVED teaching me random little things to say in Spanish and they always wanted me to sing the song they taught me! Ha! I still remember it now!

#2- Kissing

When you meet someone you give them a kiss on the cheek…when you say hello you kiss on the cheek…when you say goodbye you give them a kiss on the cheek…when you are happy you give a kiss on the cheek….when you say thank-you you give a kiss on the cheek…

Maybe I just like kissing…HA!

#3- Dancing!!!

I LOVE that dancing is embedded into Latin culture…EVERYONE dances! The old men and women…the children…the moms holding their babies…even the teenagers who you would expect to have the “no-way…I-don’t-want-to-look-dumb-in-front-of-people-so-I-am-NOT-going-to-do-THAT” kind of mentality…but NOPE!!! They dance too!!! And I LOVE it!

...Salsa, Bachata, Merengue…I LOVE it!

I LOVE the loud and fun music that just makes you want to move! And I love how it brings people together and smiles and laughter. I LOVE that people come together and MOVE with each other.
Saturday there was a party up at the Spanish ward in Inwood. My good friend who goes to that ward invited me to go.

Do I know Spanish….No! We have already established that…lol…I wish I did…but I had a blast anyway! Nothing too was at the chapel and it was just fun! Love the people up there!
We ate, we danced, we laughed and had a great time!

Friday, February 18, 2011

breaking them in

There is only one way that I could be happy about this...
MUD all over brand new beautiful shoes...

Today I got to run in CENTRAL PARK again!!!! YAY!!! it was BEAUTIFUL outside yesterday and today!

YEsteRdAy I went to the gym and ran 3 miles on the treadmill (I really dislike running on the treadmill- but its better than snow and ice) and shortly after realized how beautiful and sunny it was outside and was sad that I didn't take advantage of that opportunity- but TODAY I DID!!! I wasn't going to let that chance pass by me again! it wasn't sunny today like it was yesterday - but it was still warm and beautiful running weather!

So I took my favorite run in Central Park...I realized that I should have worn my older shoes that I dont care as much about...but instead of jumping over puddles and trying to work my way around everything I decided to not let it slow me down and I ran through! and I figured - "hey I am running OUTSIDE!!! GLORIOUS DAY!!!! WHO CARES IF I GET MY SHOES DIRTY!!! I AM OUTSIDE!!!! so I was happy! perfect way to really break in those new shoes! =)

Saturday, January 29, 2011

NYC Movie Moments

"Look at all those pretty lights!"

I think that we can blame this on the movies!

People think you live in apartments like this:
But really they look like this:

And people think that you are always eating at fancy restaurants like this:
In reality its more like this:
( kitchen!...even though it doesn't look like a fancy restaurant- We make food that is AMAZING here!!!! AND it costs a lot less!)

And shopping looks like this:

Where it is really this…

No actually its more like this…
(yes that is my own closet…I don’t let myself go shopping, I want to, but I don’t have the money, so I need to make due with what I have!)

I LIVE in New York City…no I don’t go out every weekend, I don’t have glitz and glamour that is portrayed in the movies and I work really hard to make ends meat.

YET at the same time…I DO occasionally have what I will call
“NYC Movie Moments”

THIS…is one of them…


It was Antonio's first time ever ice skating! SO MUCH FUN!!!

It really was a very enchanting and BEAUTIFUL moment! That I am SO glad I was able to be a part of it all!

A group met up at my apartment after ice skating and we had ourselves a little party!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

The past 25 days have been….


These are just a few words that I would use to describe my Christmas break back in Utah.
I have spent time with my family. I got to see some of my best friends. I received some of the worlds BEST hugs! and I have had a lot of strange dreams…not sure why I remember them all of a sudden, I usually don’t remember my dreams.

You may see that my list has some contradictions…I supposed that it’s evidence of what it says in the scriptures 2 Ne 2:11 “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things.”

Even the best of times involve tears…although they don’t always have to be tears of pain and heartache…I love the moments of laughing so hard I cry.

Now my bags are packed…its only 1:30 am. This is an accomplishment for me! I am not good at packing…or getting packed early(ish). So to be able to get more than a 2 hour nap before I leave for the airport is not the norm for me…so what do I do instead of sleep…well write on my blog of course! HA!

And I am headed back to New York!...*sigh* SO MANY mixed feelings right now! =)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I am...

I am Real
I am open
I am honest
For the most part I wear my heart on my sleeve
I am a communicator
I like to let people know my opinion
I expect people to be these things in return!

I feel…
Not mad or angry
and betrayed…
Maybe that’s too strong of a word but I mean it in the :
let down, be disloyal to, deceived/lied to
kind of way.

Please let me share something with you…

If you don’t want to be my friend, if you don’t like me, if you don’t want to talk to me….
That’s fine….
Just tell me
I will leave you alone
You don’t have to pretend
Actually that hurts me more than if you were just upfront and honest with me.