Where I Stand

I have had many different responses to the news that I am moving across the country to go and conquer NYC. (and when I say conquer…well we will get to that in a moment…read on)

Most of these differing responses can be categorized into 2 parts-

#1- The happy/excited for you response:
“Oh MY GOSH!... You are awesome!...thats so cool… That is my dream!....I am excited for you!...YAY!”

AND…

#2- The what the H are you thinking response:
“So…um….you are moving across the country with no job, no apartment and no money….huh…interesting”

Where I stand…

Are you ready for this…I agree with BOTH!
Humor me for one moment please…

#1- YES I am FREAKING EXCITED!
New York is an Adventure! (do you remember my definition of adventure?...the word that positive people use to describe hellish expierences…we will come to this, hold on.)

An adventure that I am excited to have for a number of reasons:

-I cannot progress in the way that I want to if I stay in Utah.
Ways I want to progress:

-In the Theatre:
NY has MUCH more to offer! Experiences and connections that I need and want to be able to establish myself in my career

-In my dating life:
As I have written in a previous blog dating doesn’t happen for me in Utah. Will it happen for me in NY? I don’t know…but I sure as heck am not getting anywhere here…so its time to try something else

-In my life experiences:
There are people I need to meet and things I need to do in NYC- cant explain it, just know that I cant get the expierence I need here in Utah

-In my spiritual life:
Yes I can grow this anywhere… and my spirituality is fine in Utah…but I need new scenery. I want to be in a ward that needs my talents and service!

At this point Utah has nothing to offer me. So I go…

I am so excited at the prospect of meeting new people and doing new things and having different surroundings. How cool that I have been offered an internship with the company that I was most impressed with and wanted to work with. How exciting that I will be in New York City.
So I am a positive person (at least I really try hard to be) I like to look at the bright side I think it is much more pleasant to be around happy people. And because I am such a people person I want people to enjoy being around me! But I do NOT by any means believe that the world is full of butterflies and flowers…so that leads me to my agreeance with group #2…

#2- BAH! WHAT THE H AM I DOING?!

Let me share with you for a moment my fears and doubts – the negative side for just a moment.
I am moving across the country, my internship is unpaid, I don’t have very much money, and I have no job.

…hummmmm….lets think about this…I know it sounds stupid and a bit crazy and REALLY HONESTLY KRITY! What are you thinking?

Dear friend…I realize these things…I realize that I very well may be screwing myself over…I realize that this is not going to be easy and when I say that I am going out to conquer NYC know that I actually expect to struggle.

Now my question…why would I focus on that? I don’t need to. My focus is staying on other things, #2 and the discouragement that comes along with it is constantly in my mind
but there is something that I would like you to know…

This is not a rash decision. I promise…yes this may be a sudden thing for you that “huh…say what?!....Kristy is doing what?...moving where?...so soon?...where did This come from!?...etc etc.”

But I promise I have thought long and hard about it, I have prayed much and the Lord and I have spent time together in the temple discussing what he and I want to do with my life.
So you may be part of group 1 or 2…or you may even fit in the category of group 3 (which is a combination of 1 and 2) much like me. Whatever the case may be your thoughts, and prayers are much welcomed and appreciated. So that is where I stand. Right in the Middle, but I know that doubts and fears are not of God and that Satan doesn’t want me to progress. So I am not going to take the easy way on this one. I am going to do what Heavenly Father wants me to do, and I know that I have his support and encouragement in this choice.

The words of Joshua 1:9 come as a reminder to me of this encouragement and the added promise that I am not alone in this, not in this choice that I have made- or in the process of carrying it out.

“Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage. Be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed. For the Lord thy God is with the whithersoever thou goest.”